For some, the holidays truly are the most wonderful time of the year. But if you’re somebody who suffers from holiday anxiety, you may find yourself experiencing more emotional reactivity in the coming weeks. 

Whether you’re feeling the pinch of end-of-year work deadlines, you’re worried about navigating family gatherings, or the cold weather blues have hit you hard, it’s not easy staying calm during tense times. However, with a few calming strategies under your belt, you can turn your initial reaction into a regulated response you won’t regret. 

In this article, we’ll walk through how to be less reactive when navigating triggering events during the holidays. Aptly titled the Siberian North RailRoad Response (SBNRR) by Search Inside Yourself, this response strategy aims to help you manage your emotional train using 5 steps: 

• Stop 

• Breathe

• Notice

• Reflect

• Respond 

Before we dive into these calming strategies, let’s explore why we need them in the first place.

Why do we experience holiday anxiety? 

If your holiday anxiety is coming on strong, know that you’re not alone. According to the American Psychological Association, 38% of people experience a rise in negative emotions spanning stress, irritability, and sadness during the holidays. 

Ask Harvard Medical School and they’ll give you a scientific yet simple explanation: a prolonged increase in attention-taking tasks causes your prefrontal cortex to go into overdrive. But can you train your brain how to be less reactive? 

Luckily, the answer is yes. 

5 steps for managing emotional reactivity 

Whether it’s during the holidays or year round, if you find yourself feeling triggered, you have two choices: let the emotions take over and react, or calm your nervous system and respond. 

Let’s dive into the response system that will help you stay calm, cool, and collected in tense times. 

1. Stop 

The most important step when you’re feeling tense and triggered is simply to pause. When you let impulse take over and go with your initial reaction, it’s possible you may say or do something you’ll regret later on (we’ve all been there!) It's the sacred pause—like hitting pause on a movie you're watching—that provides the opportunity to make another choice vs. following your base reaction. 

2. Breathe 

As psychiatrist and holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl once said: “Between stimulus and response there is space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Powerful stuff.

Taking a moment to draw a few deep breaths not only creates that space—it physiologically calms your nervous system and brings you back into a state of emotional regulation. To do so, try this simple technique: 

• Breathe in for four seconds

• Breathe out for four seconds

3. Notice

After a few deep breaths, the next step is to become aware of what’s happening in your body in real time during this moment of tension. Rather than getting stuck in a mental loop of emotion or angst, take note of how your body feels, both physically and emotionally. 

When you’re thinking your emotions rather than feeling them, you might think: “I’m so angry, why would she say that?!” But when you shift to feeling versus thinking, it’s more like: “I notice my heart is pounding and my thoughts are chaotic.” Pausing to observe body sensations and emotions allows us to be present, rather than reactive. 

4. Reflect

Once you’ve noticed what’s coming up physically and emotionally, it’s time to reflect. Are you feeling attacked, belittled or misunderstood? Is there a story you’re telling yourself about what is happening? And even more important, is it true? 

Reflecting on why we might be having a negative reaction can provide mental clarity. But you may also want to consider how others involved might be feeling. Did they intend to upset you, or is it possible there was a miscommunication? Consider these questions with compassion and empathy for everyone involved, including yourself. 

5. Respond 

Now that you’ve taken the time to form a deeper understanding of the situation, consider how you’ll respond. Should you snap at your relative for making yet another inappropriate comment during Christmas dinner vs. calmly asserting why you disagree? What are the potential outcomes of each scenario? 

Although it may be difficult, consider how you can craft a response that is constructive, compassionate and kind for everyone involved. Ultimately, be proud of yourself for making it this far! 

Bonus tip: practice makes perfect

It takes time to learn how to pause and respond in tense situations. As you’re getting started, give yourself compassion and credit—because even making it to step one or two in the moment is a major win! 

In tense times, remember to set healthy boundaries and prioritize self-care. Together with this five-step response, you’ll have the tools to find harmony and happiness this holiday season. 

Want to improve your emotional reactivity and stress less?

Give your brain a much-needed break during the holidays by listening to these free, short and sweet meditations. They’ll leave you feeling calm, collected, and ready to respond to anything.